


Facing Fear

by Rain_dancer01



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: F/F, Gem War
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-16
Updated: 2018-06-18
Packaged: 2019-03-05 17:02:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 12,360
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13392279
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rain_dancer01/pseuds/Rain_dancer01
Summary: A 2nd gem war has begun, Peridot is fighting alongside the Crystal Gems, but in the chaos of battle has got separated from the group, and finds herself in a dire situation





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> This one shot is based. on two dreams I had but I expanded on them and merged them together for this fic. Since most of my dreams are nightmares, these two dreams were actually a pleasant change.

Lapis stirred in her sleep, frowning and twitching as she fell into yet another nightmare. She was trapped in an all too familiar hell. Her gem had been placed back into the mirror while she was poofed and helpless, and when she tried and failed to reform, her soul and mind could only scream as she found herself unable to call for help, or do anything at all but show or repeat back what had already been said to her. If she'd had a physical form she'd have beaten against the mirrors reflective surface in desperation, but she was helpless to free herself. Whoever was holding the mirror turned it's surface to face away from them, and now Lapis could see a fierce battle raging. She internally recoiled, shuddering inside the mirror as she felt a paralysing rush of fear sweep through her. 

Then she saw her, a familiar green Gem with triangular yellow hair fighting an elite Homeworld gem. Peridot. A flicker of affection briefly pierced through the fear, and she stared with longing sadness and concern as Peridot fought the Homeworld Gem with increasing desperation. 

Lapis could only watch as after a valiant but brief battle Peridot was knocked brutally to the ground. The enemy Gem stood over her and raised her weapon, aiming straight for her Gem. Lapis tried to call out a warning as she swirled, agitated inside the mirror, desperate to do _something_ , but in her current state was unable to do anything to help, and Peridot seemed either too injured or too dazed to get herself away in time. Lapis could only stare in transfixed horror as the spear was brought down, shattering Peridot's gem into a multitude of gleaming shards, and as her form vanished forever, Lapis felt like her heart had shattered along with her.

Lapis awoke with a gasp and sat bolt upright, hot tears poured down her cheeks and she wiped them away impatiently. She was no stranger to nightmares, but they had gotten worse and more frequent since she'd fled into space, and this one had felt all too real. She shakily folded her arms and looked around. The barn was mildly comforting in its familiarity, but felt empty, no longer like the home it had once been as if part of it's warmth had been left behind with Peridot. Lapis sighed, she'd had a lot of time to think out here, alone in the emptiness of space. 

When they'd finally gotten hold of Steven after his capture she had been merely relieved and happy he was safe, then he'd explained how he'd escaped and her relief had rapidly turned to panic. He'd run away, from _two_ Diamonds no less, two Diamonds with a very personal vendetta against the one whose Gem he'd inherited, and who would now without a doubt return to Earth with armies and fresh plans for revenge now they knew the suspected shatterer of their beloved Pink Diamond was still alive and uncorrupted. 

Peridot had done her best to calm her down and cheer her up, but though some of her antics had made Lapis smile, even through her stress, she'd still felt very on edge. She'd tried to clamp down on it, especially when Steven showed up, she wasn't sure when they'd see him again after this and she certainly didn't want him to feel any worse. But everything inside her was screaming at her to get away, and all she'd wanted to do was take Peridot, and Pumpkin and flee into space before the danger that could threaten all of them struck, yet there had just been delay after delay. 

Peridots confession had hit her like a kick in the guts. With hindsight she should have realised before, it explained a lot of Peridots odd behaviour that day, but when her fear reached a certain level, she developed a kind of tunnel vision, making it almost impossible to think rationally or see clearly until the storm of fear had passed. She felt hurt and betrayed....not so much because Peridot had chosen to stay, Lapis respected that choice, just as she had with Steven....it was more that Peridot had _lied_ to her, and the reason she gave, not wanting to upset her only made it worse. Was Peridot secretly afraid of her? She knew her anxiety and wariness could come out as anger or moodiness sometimes, and having no traces of pyrite or calcite in her gem she was more powerful than the average Lapis, but was she really that terrifying? 

Lapis got to her feet and walked out the barn. She'd landed the Barn on the Moon for now, not knowing where else to go. Now, with the nightmares increasing and changing, and isolated with nothing but her thoughts for company, Lapis was getting increasingly uneasy. The moon, even space itself, might keep her safe from whatever befell the Earth, but she was beginning to feel trapped. A different kind of prison than the mirror, or her cell on Homeworld, but a prison just the same, except this time it was by her own fear. 

Steven and Peridot....she couldn't get either out of her head...

_"They hurt my friends, they hurt my face, they trapped you in here"_  
"That's why we can't fight them!"  
"That's why we HAVE to fight them!" 

Lapis headed inside the moonbase and summoned the floating orb. A day or so after arriving needing to distract herself, and anxious to see how Peridot was doing, she had entered the base and after some work had managed to re- activate the orb. With it she was able to view Peridot at least, even if she couldn't speak with her. Lapis cupped the orb in her hands and closed her eyes, concentrating her thoughts on Peridot, when the green gem finally came into view Lapis saw that she was practising her metal powers and training back on Earth with the Crystal Gems, unharmed and safe. Lapis breathed a sigh of relief and watched a few moments more before closing the viewer. Peridot was ok, for now anyway. 

Lapis turned and walked out of the moonbase. She often had nightmares, but that last dream had felt so vivid, so real that even having seen that Peridot was safe she couldn't shake the growing sense of impending disaster. 

She folded her arms and looked out towards the Earth, finding herself caught between two major fears, the fear getting caught in another war, and her fear of forever being trapped and alone. But she missed Peridot, she missed Steven, and now a third fear was bubbling to the surface, filling her with urgency....Peridot shattering, she couldn't get the image from the dream out of her head. She tried telling herself herself It was just a dream, but what if it wasn't? It had felt so real, more like a warning, and most of her nightmares didn't continue to nag and worry at her like this even after they were over.

_"I think we can win, I think you can win. Earth is our home now, isn't it worth fighting for?" ___

__A noise caught Lapis attention and she turned her head as a convoy of Gem battle ships flew past and hurtled towards the Earth in the distance. She looked back towards Earth, her fists slowly clenched and her face took on a look of grim determination. Whatever she was going to do, she had to make her choice soon._ _


	2. Preparing for War

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Back on Earth Peridot and the Crystal Gems prepare for battle as the entire town is about to come under attack, but Peridot's thoughts can't help wandering back to recent events and a certain blue Gem. Homeworld ships are about to breach Earths Atmosphere, but are the Crystal Gems and their allies ready?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as you can tell not a one-shot anymore...it was originally going to be when I first went to put it on here , but when I decided to expand it into a full fic with chapters I forgot to adjust the notes accordingly, and now I can't/it won't let me. Sorry
> 
> Also thankyou for the comments and kudos, I really appreciate it. :)

Peridot stood outside, making last minute adjustments to her battle robot, she'd been training all afternoon with the Crystal Gems, and almost daily these past few weeks. Not that she minded, the training and physical exertion was a welcome distraction from her inner turmoil, and while she was no match for the skill and grace of Pearl in sword combat, and could never hope to have the strength of Garnet, or the speed of Amethyst, she had improved. Trouble was there was no way, no matter how hard she and the others worked, that she could learn to fight at their skill level in just a few short weeks. She just didn't have their centuries of combat experience. Still, her metal powers were an asset, she had successfully deflected spin roll charges from Amethyst during their sparring matches using her powers defensively, and in the battle robot she had built she was able to hold her own and had even won some of the matches. 

She glanced back to the others, Garnet was absent, discussing battle plans with Lars and the off-colour Gems that had recently joined their ranks. Garnet had warned everyone yesterday that an attack from Homeworld was now imminent, and she predicted it would likely be today. On her advice most of Beach city was already evacuated, but there were still a few determined human citizens who refused to leave, no matter what. Peridot wasn't sure if those humans were brave, mad, or just plain stubborn, but given how much more frail humans were than Gems, she begrudgingly admired their tenacity. 

Amethyst was practising hitting and occasionally ensnaring targets with her whip, while Pearl was talking to and giving some last minute coaching Connie and Steven. Sometimes they fought fused, other times not, but Peridot figured it was probably best they stayed used to and familiar fighting both together and apart. Even without the other Gems experience with war, she could imagine how unpredictable it could be, better to train for any possibility, if you could, than get caught out and suffer the consequences. 

She sighed heavily and turned back to her work. The robot was complete, ready to go, and didn't really need further checking or adjusting, but Peridot found ever since Lapis left she needed to keep busy or her thoughts would wander back to Lapis and she would begin to sink into the pining despondency she had before . She missed Lapis, a lot, she wanted nothing more than for her to return, but sitting around moping and feeling sorry for herself wasn't helping anyone, and certainly wouldn't change the situation. 

She realised with hindsight her lack of honesty had been a mistake, even if she'd only had the best of intentions. She knew Lapis had trauma, serious trauma, she was still working through, and as her blunt honesty had hurt or made people angry in the past Peridot tried to tread carefully with Lapis, not wanting to risk or hurt the trust and closeness they had built with each other or make Lapis hurt more than she already had been. Her omission of saying certain things to protect Lapis and spare her feelings had seemed innocent and harmless to Peridot at first, until Lapis had called it what it effectively was, lying, and she'd seen the flash of hurt in Lapis eyes.

Now Lapis was gone, and it felt like part of her soul had left with Lapis and nothing could ever bring back what she'd lost or be ok again. Steven, Amethyst and the other Crystal Gems were some comfort, but even they couldn't fully soothe the aching in her chest. She felt some frustration too. Her speech to Lapis had been sincere, she really did believe they could win, and if Lapis had stayed that she could win too, not just in the war, that would be a shared victory if they pulled it off, but in a far more personal battle Peridot knew she'd been struggling with internally for far too long, if only the blue gem could believe in herself and in the two of them as much as Peridot did. She knew Lapis was scared, and she understood why, but it still stung. 

Lapis _could_ have left the barn too, but compared to losing Lapis and the incoming war that was the least of her worries, and Lapis hadn't exactly been in the most rational state of mind when she left either. Besides Peridot had Steven, the Gems, Pumpkin, and a place to go at least....maybe Lapis needed the barn more right now. Peridot climbed into the robot to make one final check of the controls.

Lapis had hurt her, badly, but then she'd hurt Lapis too. Mostly Peridot was just worried. Wherever Lapis was, she hoped she was ok. 

Garnet suddenly ran over, breaking Peridot out of her thoughts and causing all of them to turn towards her. 

"A fleet of Homeworld ships is going to arrive in Earths atmosphere any second,." 

"This is it" Peridot muttered, settling herself into her seat within the robot.

"Ok everyone you know what to do, get in position" Garnet paused and she looked towards Peridot, her expression unreadable "Peridot, you are not seasoned in battle, your help is needed and appreciated but...stay close."

Peridot, Steven and Amethyst exchanged looks and nodded.

Garnet motioned them to follow her, "Lets go"


	3. The battle within

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lapis finally arrives back on Earth, but by the time she arrives the war has already begun. As the fight triggers memories and her past and inner demons start catching up with her, Lapis finds herself facing a very different battle, a battle she must win if she ever hopes to reach Peridot.

Lapis flapped her wings furiously, focusing all her attention on the blue and green sphere before her. The closer she got the more agitated her fear became until it was almost palpable, twisting and tightening around her chest and stomach, threatening to consume her. She felt sick but forced herself to keep going, trying her best to focus her mind on Peridot and not the traumatic memories that were forcing their way to the surface. 

She entered back into Earth's atmosphere and adjusted her course towards Beach City . That was where she had last viewed Peridot and where, if her observations were correct, the Homeworld ships had been headed. A shudder passed through her as she considered that she was about to enter a probable war zone but she pushed forward. She still wasn't sure if she could do this, but ever since the dream her anxiety over Peridot wouldn't leave her alone. Maybe it was just a dream, but some instinct within her insisted it wasn't, that if she failed to act something terrible and irrevocable would happen to the green Gem, just like her dream. This new terror urged her on while everything else inside her screamed at her to get away, creating an internal war she was struggling to grapple with before she even got to the actual battle. 

Finally she arrived in beach city and froze at the sight before her. The fleet of Homeworld ships she'd seen earlier filled the sky, and it was likely only a matter of time before more followed, some had deployed ground troops, and below her she could see many fierce battles being fought. An ice cold feeling settled in her chest and stomach, she felt herself tremble as the noise and chaos around her filled her mind

_Lapis was temporarily stationed on Earth, there was a war on the planet due to a recent rebellion, but her task was simple enough, to stay behind and monitor the beta kindergarten that she'd helped create, note the progress of the gems going there, and get back once the Gems growing there emerged and had been directed to their appointed squad, the more experienced soldiers would help them from there. All was going according to plan, the first Gems had emerged and Lapis had begun to talk to them, preparing to send them to where they needed to go, when suddenly the unthinkable happened, and the kindergarten was attacked by the Rebellion. Suddenly all hell broke loose. The newly emerged Jasper, Amethyst and Quartz gems tried to fight, but although that was their purpose, none of them had any battle experience or training, they were being poofed at an alarming rate. The attacking Gems showed little mercy, the cacophony of cries, both scared and angry, clunking of weapons, and loud explosions all around her was overwhelming._

 _Lapis was so taken aback she could only stare in stunned disbelief and growing terror. The Diamonds could be ruthless, but even on Homeworld attacking a Kindergarten was regarded as unacceptable. Did the Crystal Gems really care so little for their own kind and so much for Earth that they would attack a kindergarten full of newly emerged Gems who barely knew how to fight yet? Come to think of it she hadn't a clue either, fighting wasn't her purpose, and there was no water source near here to help , at least not anymore. As the battle escalated she shrank away, covering her ears against the deafening noise and the heartrending cries of her fellow Gems as they were poofed. She heard a Gem land beside her and fearfully looked to see a Bismuth Gem, poised ready to strike her, with a gasp of alarm she hastily tried to fly away, only to feel a harsh blow strike her directly on her Gem, poofing her._

_She stirred at the sensation of her Gem being moved, but it took a little longer for her to heal and regain full consciousness. She couldn't place it, but something seemed different, wrong, and her fears were confirmed when she hastily tried to reform. She couldn't. She looked around to realise she was in a mirror, she could see, her consciousnesses could even move to some degree within it's boundaries, but she was trapped. In sheer panic she whirled inside the mirror, but there was no way out, as long as her gem was trapped, so was she. She tried to cry out, but found she couldn't even do that. She felt the mirror being turned and looked back through the glass only to see some very hostile looking Homeworld Gems, apparently certain she was with the rebellion, and she was powerless to convince them otherwise. All she could do, she discovered, was repeat and reflect back what she saw and heard through the mirrors surface, like some living recording device. The merciless interrogating began....._

Lapis took a shaking breath and gulped in air, bringing a shaking hand to her face to wipe away the cold sweat forming on her forehead. Without even realising it she'd landed on top of the cliff and backed herself against the wall of a building, pressing herself against its surface, protecting her gem. She felt like her resolve had turned to jelly. _What made her think she could do this?_ She stared numbly at the ground, flinching as a Homeworld ship swooped overhead. What made her think she was capable of doing _anything_ to save Peridot when the mere sight of war brought back nightmarish memories that all but paralysed her with fear? Peridot might not be as powerful, but her metal powers were still impressive, and she was so much braver and stronger than Lapis felt she would ever be. Even now she was cowering against a wall with her chest pounding and trembling with fear. _Why was she here? Why was she returning to a situation that had only lead to millions of years of pain and suffering for her before?_

She closed her eyes and images from the dream came back to her, combined with memories of their time together, of Peridots forlorn and heartbroken face as Lapis had fled. Peridot was the reason she''d fought her fear to come back here, and the reason she couldn't give up now too. Lapis opened her eyes, only now focusing enough to realise it was Steven's house she'd instinctively taken refuge against. She heard another ship pass overhead, and though still jumping, this time raised her tear-stained face to look up towards it. She _had_ to do this. Peridot had always been there for her, she couldn't turn her back now the green Gem needed her. Lapis frowned, and still tense and trembling pushed herself away from the wall. Her skin felt clammy, her mouth was dry, but she stepped forward and launched back into the air. 

_If the fear wouldn't go away? Then she'd just have to do this afraid._

Wary, and trying to stay unnoticed by the ships, she scanned her eyes over the ground for any sign of Peridot. She was here, somewhere. Lapis just hoped she could find the green Gem before it was too late.


	4. Peri in Peril

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In the chaos of the battle Peridot has gotten herself hopelessly separated from the group, and finds herself in a situation that threatens her very existence.

_Stupid!_ Peridots eyes tracked the green coloured Gem ship with a mixture of frustration and fear. Her anger was mostly at herself. Garnet had warned her to be careful, to stay close. instead she'd gotten herself completely separated from the group.

She'd been fine at first, fighting alongside her comrades in her carefully built battle robot, she'd even poofed a few of the enemy Gems. Everything had been going as well, or as as could be expected given the situation, until one of the Homeworld Gems decided to throw an explosive at the the robot, destroying it and forcing her to bail and run out into the open. Even on foot Peridot had eventually managed to subdue the offending Aventurine Quartz. Small she may be, and she may not have been built for battle like the quartz soldier pursuing her, but she was smart and resourceful. Thinking fast she'd taunted and lured the Aventurine Gem off the beach and into the road, then using her metal powers, unearthed one of the nearby street lamps and hurled it at her, twisting and melding its metal round her until she was thoroughly entangled. The enranged Gem would possibly be freed or break out eventually, but by that time Peridot would be back with her friends, or so she had thought.... As she had tried to run back to the beach, back to her friends, the Emerald ship had spotted her and chased, almost herded her onto the cliff ledge. Now Peridot feared she would pay dearly for her miscalculations. 

She heard the distinctive sound of the ships weapons being fired up, and looked around desperately for help, but her allies were nowhere to be seen. She looked up for Lars and the Offcolors in their stolen ship, their sides only air support, but they were already engaged and dodging fire from far too many other enemy ships and had not noticed her. She was alone. 

Peridot licked her lips and swallowed nervously as her full attention returned to the ship looming over her. She was trapped and she knew it, but she wasn't giving up without a fight. Her fists clenched as a loud, disdainful voice echoed loudly from the ship "Any last words, traitor" 

Peridot instinctively flinched at the Emeralds voice, but stood her ground, staring defiantly up at the ship and shouting with a bravado she didn't really feel

"Yeah, take this, you CLOD!!" mocking laughter drifted down to her as she reached out her arm, the weapons fired and Peridot lashed out with her powers towards the ship. With Gems at the controls counteracting her efforts her she was unable to do much damage, but she did cause enough impact to jolt the ship and throw the firing weapons aim off course. 

The blast narrowly grazed past her causing her to shriek in alarm and jump sideways but she'd avoided any major damage. She turned her eyes back to the ship as she sensed movement. To her surprise the ship descended, hovering just above the ground, the door opened , and an all too familiar figure from her past jumped down and approached her

"Impressive, you've learned some new tricks on Earth I see, still it wont save you. Do you really think you or your defective friends stand any chance against the might of Homeworld, or that your treachery would go unpunished if I ever caught up to you?"

She pulled out a blast cannon, aiming it at Peridot. Peridot glared and reflexively used her powers, snatching the canon out of the Emeralds hands and arming it herself. The Emerald's expression changed from sneering to one of angry surprise. She clearly was having trouble getting used to the fact a mere era 2 Peridot would have powers at all, let alone challenge her.

"You dare aim a weapon at YOUR SUPERIOR!!!" the cool mask slipped, revealing the hot tempered and impatient Emerald Peridot remembered. Her temper and her whip had terrified Peridot at one point, now, despite the danger, Peridot felt her irritation rising. Then she remembered Garnet and Pearls training, she needed to stay focused, she couldn't run, but she was good at talking, maybe she could stall for time. 

"If you're so superior, why don't you act like it? Chasing a "mere" Peridot over a personal vendetta when there's a much bigger fight going on" Peridot's voice was taunting, with only a hint of the trepidation she truly felt, "somehow I doubt _I_ am part of your mission here . Do you still like to terrify and bully those under you to feel powerful? " Emeralds expression turned from surprise to outrage, snarling she pulled out a second weapon and began advancing on Peridot. Peridot stood her ground, canon blaster held ready. 

"As a superior Gem it is my job to administer discipline" Emerald spat "You are a disappointment, Facet-2F5L Cut-5XG, an embarrassment. Yet you showed such promise at first, I recommended you for the mission myself, only for you to fail that mission, proving yourself completely incompetent, turn traitor, and have the nerve to insult Yellow Diamond herself ." 

"You and the Diamonds are not so perfect or infallible as you say you are" Perdot replied coldly " You claim their superiority, yet a human and a half gem child managed to escape from right under the noses of two Diamonds, and from what Lars told us, he and our off-coloured allies stole two ships from you, one of which was heavily guarded, and they evaded you all the way back to Earth. Seems those Gems might not be inferior as you like to believe"

"THOSE OFF-COLOURS AND THEIR LEADER WILL PAY IN DUE COURSE!!" Emerald was clearly fuming , her one eye glaring at Peridot as if looks alone could shatter her. " The Diamonds are right, this planet destroys all Gems who come here, one way or another, it needs to be eliminated." Emerald pointed her weapon at Peridot "just as your traitorous and equally worthless hide will be soon."

Peridot held out her free hand and snatched the 2nd weapon too "You were right earlier, I have learned some new tricks on Earth" she smirked as the Emerald could only splutter in annoyance. " I have learned lots of things here. One of them being the Diamonds are wrong about a lot of things." thinking about it a realisation occurred to Peridot, and she added quietly "Homeworld has harmed more Gems than Earth."

"The words of a true traitor, but enough of this." Emerald's non-gem eye began to glow green as she advanced. 

Peridot tensed, prepared herself to spring out the way, and readied her weapons. 

The laser shot from Emeralds eye but Peridot was ready and dodged the blast before returning fire on her old Manager. Emerald snarled as her shoulder was hit and fired again, this time summoning and lashing out with her whip at the same time. The whip wrapped around one of the canon blasters and Emerald gave a cry of triumph as the weapon was snatched back from Peridot. Peridot gripped her remaining weapon tightly, but now she was in worse trouble as Emerald was able to effectively and relentlessly fire upon her with what amounted to two weapons at once, and Peridot barely had time to fire back, let alone aim between evading the blasts. Both Emerald and the ship blocked her path away from the cliff making sure escape wasn't an option either. She was small and nimble but Peridot could only keep this up for so long and Emerald knew it. 

Finally a blast caught Peridot leg causing her to yelp in pain,slowing her, a split second later the whip again snaked out, this time wrapping round her legs as Emerald pulled her harshly off her feet. As Peridot fell the remaining blaster was knocked from her hand by the impact with the ground. Emerald stood triumphantly over her as Peridot lay on the ground, winded, aching, defeated, and too dazed to do anything.

"A valiant effort, but you never stood a chance." Emerald's expression was smug, "Perhaps you shouldn't have forgotten your place. No matter, goodbye Peridot Facet-2F5L Cut-5XG"

Peridot winced as Emerald stood on her arms, but could only stare through the haze of her exhaustion as Emerald prepared to fire the canon blaster point blank at her Gem. Helpless to do anything she closed her eyes, waiting for the inevitable.

Suddenly she head a whooshing sound, like the rush of water, and the painful pressure on her arms abruptly disappeared. Peridot opened her eyes and warily sat up, bruised and shaken, but still alive. To her surprise Emerald was sitting on the ground several meters away from her looking completely bedraggled, when she looked up at Peridot her eyes were smouldering with rage. "YOU WON'T GET AWAY WITH THIS! I'LL SHATTER BOTH OF YOU!!"

_Both of them?_

Before she had time to ponder this she saw Emerald signal and heard the whirr of the ships weapons as they prepared to fire, at almost the same instant a huge column of water shot past from behind her, making Peridot jump, it struck the ship, sending it reeling sideways. The ship crash landed on the ground and her path away from the cliff was suddenly clear. Peridot got to her feet, preparing to run, but risked a quick glance behind her looking for the source of help, a small hope rising within her. A cry of rage almost immediately snapped her attention back in front of her before she had time to really see anything. The ship was down, so was Emerald, temporarily, but her eye beam still worked just fine, and Peridot hastily tried to run, but too late. Emerald shot beam after beam at the ground in front of Peridot in rapid succession, forcing her back. As focused on the danger in front of her as she was, she failed to remember the danger behind. Her haste to avoid one of the blasts coming dangerously close caused her to stumble back, one of her heels failed to connect with solid ground and suddenly she was falling.


	5. Peri in Peril II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lapis has been frantically searching for Peri, when she finally reaches her she sees to her horror she was right to believe her nightmare after all. Short chapter which is basically the previous Chapter but from Lapis POV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay, I really haven't been well and am still kind of recovering, but I fully intend to finish this

Lapis had been searching frantically for the green Gem. Fear still churned her stomach and set an ice cold weight in her chest, but she focused her attention on finding Peridot and trying to keep out of sight. She'd seen the crystal Gems fighting on the beach but Peridot had not been with them. She'd seen a tall dark haired human not to far away from them too, from the weapon and shield she guessed it must be a Steven fusion. With Connie? It didn't matter, the feeling of Peridot being in danger was getting stronger, she had to find her, and fast. 

While scanning the ground from the air, she saw many things that surprised her. A group of Nephrites, a Bismuth, and even one Homeworld ship, a Sun Incinerator, seemingly fighting on the Crystal Gems side, and of course Homeworld Gems were everywhere but no sign of the one Gem she wanted to find. Just as Lapis was on the point of panic, nervously cutting back across the ocean to circle round again, she finally spotted her, away from the main battle, her light yellow triangular hair was distinctive even from a distance, but what she saw sent chills straight to her heart. 

Peridot was lying motionless on the ground, an Emerald standing over her, weapon aimed at Peridot's head, clearly aiming for her gem. Lapis knew she could never get to her before the trigger was pulled, but perhaps she didn't need to. Clenching her fist she raised a long column of water and sent it flying at the unsuspecting Emerald, putting as much force behind the blow as she could. She couldn't do too much damage from this far away, but she did succeed in knocking the Emerald off of Peridot and sent her flying several meters through the air. With the Emerald down and disarmed, Lapis began flying as fast as she could towards the cliff. To her relief Peridot sat up, but the enraged Emerald was recovering too, and apparently having spotted her screamed a threat to shatter both of them. In the next second the ship started firing. Anger now prickling through her fear Lapis summoned another water column and sent it flying past Peridot straight into the ship, slamming it into the ground 

She saw Peridot jump as the water column grazed past her, then stand up poised as if preparing to run, but she didn't, instead the green gem hesitated, glancing over her shoulder, searching...

_No Peridot, don't look for me, run!!_

A cry of rage diverted both their attentions back towards the Emerald, Lapis was almost there when Emerald began firing at Peridot with her eye beam. Lapis began hastily preparing another counter attack but before she could launch it Peridot lost balance and tumbled over the edge of the cliff. Eyes wide in alarm Lapis dove after her.


	6. Ariel Manoeuvres

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lapis and Peridot are reunited, but neither of them are safe yet.

Peridot plummeted helplessly head first towards the ground, to her horror she noticed several jagged rocks on the ground she was speeding towards and flailed the air,trying to turn herself , but had no control of her free fall at all. In desperation she lashed out wildly with her powers reaching for something, _anything_ metal she could use to slow her fall or at least shield her , but found herself unable to latch onto anything. As the sharp rocks got closer she gave up all attempts, covering her eyes and bracing herself for the impact that would surely crack, if not outright shatter her.......... 

She felt a firm but gentle pressure around her waist as something caught her, slowing her fall, then suddenly she was being lifted up. 

Peridot cautiously lowered her hands from her eyes and looked down, hardly daring to hope, but blue arms were indeed wrapped around her. Eyes wide in amazement, joy, and a whole myriad of emotions she couldn't begin to fully process yet, Peridot twisted herself round to look up at the Gem holding onto her. “Lapis!!”

Lapis glanced down at her as her name was called and smiled tentatively “hey Peridot.”

“Y-you came back!?! 

Lapis nodded “Yeah.." she looked away a moment before refocusing on Peridot, "Peridot, I..I'm sorry, are you ok?” 

Peridot nodded and was about to answer when a shadow fell over them. Both off them looked up to see the damaged but apparently still flyable Emerald ship hovering over them.

Peridot tensed up in Lapis grasp, letting out a strangled yelp of alarm, while for a moment Lapis could only stare in horror. She couldn't use or aim her powers while her hands were full, and she was too scared to risk moving Peridot onto her back for fear that would put her right in the line of fire. She hadn't come all this way to save Peridot only to risk losing her now. The whirr of the ships weapons snapped her out of her thoughts. Their intent was all too obvious and Lapis wasn't going to hang around to wait for the onslaught, she frowned in grim determination. 

"Hold on!"

Lapis dove sharply down and twisted round in midair, flying back the way they had come, a hailstorm of laser blasts followed in their wake as the ship was hastily turned to chase after them. What followed was a dangerous midair dance between Lapis and the ship, and a thoroughly disorienting and equally dangerous rollercoaster ride for Peridot, who found herself unable to do anything other than cling desperately to Lapis as she twisted, dove, and soared through the air with their pursuers clumsily but relentlessly following in their wake. Lapis turned, looped, and dodged with increasing fear and desperation. She knew she couldn't keep this up indefinitely and while she had more manoeuvrability, the ship was faster, and unlike her did not get tiered. She tried repeatedly to get far enough away that she could turn and flip Peridot onto her back so she could utilise her water powers without risking the green Gem, but the moment she stopped her evasive manoeuvres the ship would be upon them. She needed to find a safe place to land, but all her attention was taken up by the chase she and Peridot were caught up in. She was getting exhausted. A miscalculated dodge and she felt sharp pain in her shoulder as the ships fire made contact with her, she gasped and her grip on Peridot slipped slightly. Grimacing she re-tightened her grip despite the pain as Peridot clung to her in a trembling vice like grip.

"L-lapis, are you ok?", Peridots voice was high pitched and frightened, but the ship was now over them again and Lapis had no time to answer as she swerved sideways, barely missing being shot a second time, and now they could hear the he heard the sound of a second ship approaching.

"Lets get out of here!!!" Peridot squeaked

"Working on it......" Lapis felt a pang of guilt, would they even be in this situation if she'd stayed in the first place? If her fear hadn't taken over yet again? 

She shook her head, it was pointless worrying about that now. They _were_ in the situation and now she had to get them out of it. Or try to at least. The blue Gem swooped away flapping her wings as hard as she could, then abruptly looped and doubled back as their pursuers caught up in an attempt to throw the ships off her trail. It didn't work. Her aerial gymnastics and very erratic flight pattern had now taken them back over land. In desperation she turned again, heading back towards the ocean but now the ships worked together and as she dodged and evaded the first ship, the second smaller but more manoeuvrable Roaming Eye ship now swerved to block their path, causing Lapis to collide with it in her haste. The Emerald ship hovered menacingly over them, as Lapis recoiled, bruised, winded and suddenly very close to panic. In her arms Lapis could feel Peridot trembling. A light fell upon them as the Emerald ship doors opened. Lapis tried to get away, but every way she tried the Ruby ship moved to block her. Cold dread began to fill her body and thoughts. 

"L...lapis...you can do t-this, d-don't freeze up" The green gem was gazing up at her, her eyes pleading, but even now, amidst her own fear, there was a gentle sympathy and concern in her eyes too. Lapis felt her eyes begin to sting with tears. 

"Peridot I...I don't know what to do...." Lapis barely managed to hold her voice steady as she looked back towards the ships preparing to open fire on them. 

"Lapis, I-if we don't make it though this, I ,...........wait! I have an idea....just keep still a second." 

Lapis obediently held still despite every fibre in her screaming to get away, she had no idea what the green gem had planned, but she trusted her

Now she was able to focus Peridot stretched out with her metal powers and flung the ruby ship off course, sending it crashing full speed into the Emeralds ship, and knocking the laser beams off course. The Ruby ship began to descend badly damaged by the impact. The larger Emerald ship had taken damage too, although it was still airborne wisps of smoke could be seen emitting from the tear the impact had caused. The ships door opened, bathing them in a yellow light, and Emerald stood at the ships door her face contorted with rage. 

"Don't think you've won, traitors. I'll have the weapons repaired in no time! " she snarled

"By which time we'll be long gone" Despite herself Peridot smirked triumphantly, so she had knocked the ships weapons system off line, if only temporarily.... "C'mon Lapis lets get out of here"  


Lapis turned and they began to head away, but as she did so there was a bloodcurdling scream of rage that made them both jump Lapis looked back and glimpsed Emerald raising what looked like a lance. Alarmed. Lapis put on a burst of speed despite her aching wings, but too late. The lance impaled her right through her back barely missing her gem, and out of her chest. 

"Lapis...." Peridots voice was trembling and strained...

Lapis looked down, only to see the lance had gone into Peri too, penetrating deep into her chest. Lapis could already feel her thoughts clouding, but she fought against it. She had no idea what an impact with the ground would do to their gems if they fell from this high up she needed to get them both to the ground now. Gripping onto Peridot with limbs that were feeling increasingly numb, Lapis descended as fast as her exhausted and dissipating form could take them. Her vision kept blurring and making them focus was a huge effort. but she thought she could make out a beach and an old crumbling temple ahead. In her arms she could sense Peridot becoming lighter, harder to keep hold of , like trying to grasp air.

"Hold on Peri. almost there...." Lapis spoke through teeth gritted with determination and her voice sounded distant and echoey in her head, but despite her plea she could feel Peridot fading from beneath her and moved one of her hands over the gem on her forehead, ready to grasp it should Peridot poof before they reached safety. Not that Lapis was all that sure she could make it either. Everything was beginning to feel dreamlike, and it took a huge force of will just to hold her form together. 

As they reached the island , Peridot's form vanished from beneath her, leaving only her triangular gem clutched in Lapis hand, but not for long. Lapis vision blurred and faded altogether as her body also vanished in a puff of smoke

Green and Blue gems landed side by side in the sand

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, I really am going to finish this, but not been well and because of the medication I'm on (which kind of spaces me out) it has been really hard to focus. Not too far to go now though (i think, I have a rough idea but have already expanded this way more than I originally intended) . Also nervous about this chapter I'm not very confident or experienced writing action scenes.


	7. Shadows of fear

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Traumatic memories continue to haunt Lapis. Meanwhile Peridot has her own regrets regarding the past and she and Lapis have a much needed talk.

_After several minutes of throwing her formless consciousness desperately against the unyielding mirrors surface, and countless futile attempts to form, Lapis now stared out miserable and exhausted through her only window to the outside world. She was through a warp pad to a meeting full of high ranking solider Gems. The Quartz gem who held her spun the mirrors surface to face them, claiming she was a captured rebel._

_"I'm not one of them!" Lapis protested, or tried to, but found herself effectively mute, unable to make a single sound._

_"Show us to your base!" demanded an Emerald , "Where is your leader? " a Goshenite asked_

_Lapis didn't have a clue, but try as she might she had no way to tell them that, and the interrogation was only just beginning . Questions were aggressively thrown at her from every direction, at points the mirror was even shaken roughly for emphasis, throwing her around inside her prison as the Homeworld gems became increasingly frustrated with her lack of response._

_Upset and afraid she tried desperately to find any possible way to communicate with them, and discovered after some trial and error that her secondary ability, to reflect back the past could be used to reflect back what she saw and heard on the mirrors surface. Her brief ray of hope soon faded though, when she learned she was now only able to show what she witnessed through the mirror, nothing before, and since the only thing she was seeing and hearing were hostile Gems shouting at her and demanding answers she didn't have, her discovery was of little help or comfort._

_After what felt to Lapis like an age of being shouted at, threatened, and shaken about inside the mirror a Heliodor rushed through the warp pad and interrupted her interrogation, ordering am immediate retreat from Earth. Suddenly their anger turned to panic and there was total pandemonium as the Homeworld Gems stampeded towards the warp. In the chaos Lapis mirror was dropped, and for a brief moment could see nothing but darkness as she, or rather the mirror landed face down. There was a sudden pressure,a sickening crunch, followed by a sharp pain in her gem, and Lapis realising what had happened,, could only reel in shock and pain . Another fleeing Gem kicked the mirror and she was suddenly facing upwards. As the last of the Gems retreated she heard a noise. Music? There was something off and wrong about the sound, and Lapis shuddered inside the mirror as she swirled round helpless and unable to get away. The eerie melody was followed by a blindingly bright flash of light that made Lapis feel sick to her stomach. Then nothing. The light receeded and after awhile so did her nausea. All was quiet. She was alone..._

_At first the quiet and solitude was a relief after the ruthless interrogating from the Homeworld army...but as she was unable to free herself and could do nothing except gaze endlessly up a the same piece of sky as days merged into weeks, then years, and with only the changes in weather and light level to give her any variation, the monotony and loneliness soon became overwhelming. She found herself zoning out for hours at a time, and with only her own thoughts for company, in the moments inbetween she alternated between rage and resentment at what had been done to her and pure despair at her situation, . The island was not populated by humans, and even Gems didn't seem to come here anymore. As years blurred together and turned into centuries Lapis grew increasingly apathetic, believing she would never be released._

_Finally, after millions of years passed a Pearl finally turned up giving her a brief glimmer of hope, but even that turned out to be a false hope. Instead of helping her. the Pearl took her back to the Crystal Gems and, instead of freeing her, she was used as a tool as they subjected her to yet more demands and endless questioning, before deciding she had fulfilled her usefulness and the Pearl stored her away in her Gem . In many ways this was worse for Lapis than the Galaxy Warp had been, for there was no sound or visual stimulation there at all. Her torment continued....._

Lapis snapped back to awareness, realised she was poofed, and reformed in panic, stumbling in her haste and half falling half crouching down as her limbs trembled violently and her breath came in short panicked gasps. She raised an arm to cover her face with a hand already growing clammy with sweat as she struggled to steady her breathing, _she had reformed, she wasn't trapped_..... but despite that reassurance the storm inside her refused to be quieted. Her muscles were tense and the roar of the battle around her echoed in her head dragging up memories of the war that had started her misery so long ago .

_"I've seen this all before..."_

Slowly, shakily, she lowered her hand from her face and her palm touched something smooth and triangular shaped in the sand beside her . _Peridot_

Looking down she gently clasped her hand around the green gem, lifting it from the sand and carefully checking for any damage. To her relief Peridot appeared to be unharmed.

"Good thing you Peridots are tough, huh? " she said softly to the still poofed Gem "...but you almost got shattered, and if I hadn't found you when I did,...." she stopped, a lump catching in her throat at the thought of what almost happened. 

Trying to push her fear aside, she kept her eyes focused on Peridots gem, willing her to reform. The weight of the gem in her hand and the gentle way the light danced off of it''s smooth surface was entrancing and oddly soothing. A sudden loud explosion close by startled her out of her reverie, causing her to jump violently and almost drop Peridot's gem. She glanced up nervously and flinched as a Homeworld ship careened overhead and crashed down towards the ocean in the far distance, a blazing trail of orange flames and billowing smoke trailing in its wake. 

She lowered her head, running her free hand agitatedly through her hair as her chest pounded

_I can't just let go of everything that happened to me! I can't go through that again!_

_"Would you rather be alone?_ "

The words echoed in Lapis head as she looked back down at the gem she still held cradled in one hand. Her lips trembled . Watching over Peridot from the Moonbase and seeing how devastated the green Gem had been by her departure had broken Lapis heart, but lonely and guilt ridden as she was, Lapis had been too scared of the impending attack and ashamed to face Peridot to go back. She had almost been persuaded to return by Steven during his unexpected but welcome visit. It had felt so nice to have company and something about his optimism had briefly given her hope too. But the mere mention of the Diamonds in his dream had caused her fear to explode, sending her instantly into a total panic and she'd fled....only to return to the moon yet again a few days later. Her heart and her fear kept pulling her in two different directions, like she was a rope in some vicious internal game of tug of war.

The sound of footsteps behind her interrupted her thoughts and a cold sweep of dread ran down her back as she nervously turned to face the threat. The Emerald from earlier faced her, battered, bedraggled , and her face twisted in rage, she advanced, her gem glowing and a laser gun in her hand raised menacingly

"Surrender and hand over the Peridot, Lazuli." she growled"Or you can be shattered along with her. "

Lapis instinctively backed away as her grip on Peridots Gem tightened and she held the gem protectively behind her. 

"Shame." the Emerald frowned and advanced further, "there are so few of you terraformers around in the first place. I certainly fail to see why you'd be willing to risk yourself or be shattered over a mere common Peridot. Still, as you wish....."

A soft green glow began to emit from Lapis hand as the gem she held there began to strain against her grasp. Relief mixed with mild exasperation.

_Nice to have you back Peridot, but great timing....._

Lapis hastily tried to bubble her green companion, afraid of what might happen if she formed now, but it was already too late. With nothing more she could do to delay Peridot's reformation, Lapis reluctantly released her struggling gem but her eyes remained fixed warily on the Emerald. A deranged grin spreading over the Emeralds face confirmed her fears.

"Perfect! This is too easy" the Emerald cackled as she raised her weapon to fire at Peridot while she was still forming and vulnerable. 

Rage began to bubble up within Lapis, pushing aside her fear as she glared at the Emerald with increasing hatred. The Emerald however, focused as she was on destroying the traitorous green Gem before her, failed to notice as Lapis expression suddenly change from a mixture of worry and fear to one of pure fury. She failed to notice her silently raise one hand to summon an enormous column of water into the air. She only noticed she was deeply in trouble when a shadow suddenly fell over her as she was about to fire and she looked up to see a giant hand made of water looming over her. The gleeful grin on her face faltered, but she barely had time to react with anything other than a frightened squeak of alarm before Lapis brought the hand smashing down on top of her. Emerald was shoved hard onto the ground, for a moment she could barely move, then the crushing pressure lifted. As Emerald hastily sat up, bruised and spluttering, Lapis brought the hand down once more, grabbing the Emerald round her torso, pinning her arms against her sides and rendering her completely helpless. Now Lapis advanced while the Emerald squirmed and struggled with increasing panic as the situation she was in dawned on her. Meanwhile Peridot had formed and was watching the scene unfold before her in fascinated and slightly stunned awe.

Emerald glowered at Lapis as she approached "LET ME GO YOU TRAITOROUS CLOD!"

Lapis snorted "You really think I'm that stupid? Let you go? So you can shatter us? Not likely."

" What are you going to do!? Shatter me?I" The Emerald snarled "I saw how scared you were up there. You may be strong on this planet, but you're still nothing more than a traitor and a coward! You won't do anything, and you can't trap me here forever!!!"

Lapis flinched internally at that remark, but moved closer, glaring angrily back at the trapped Gem " I admit I'm afraid, maybe even a coward, but don't be so sure I won't harm you." she tightened her fist, causing the water hand to constrict even more around the Emerald who began to look decidedly uncomfortable. " especially after you just tried to shatter Peridot" 

"Fool! This is treason! Is the Peridot so important to you?" The Emeralds voice sounded strained now as her form was being constricted on all sides by the giant hand.

"Yes" the answer was a barely audible, angry hiss as Lapis tightened the hands grip still further. The Emerald began to choke and her struggles grew weak until her form vanished with a puff of smoke and her gem fell onto the sand. Lapis walked over, picking up the gem and quickly bubbling it. She slowly turned to face Peridot 

Peridot was staring at her, wide eyed, but a small smile crept onto her face as their eyes met and Lapis noted that the yellow diamonds that had once adorned her outfit had been replaced by stars, 

"Wow thanks!" Peridot said finally "Oh my stars! That was amazing, Lapis!

Lapis chuckled weakly "Ha! Thanks and no, problem. I... I'm just glad you're ok." 

"Me too....it's good to see you Lapis, and that star really suits you!." 

The happy grin on Peridots face was genuine, and infectious. Lapis found herself smiling back barely able to believe how overjoyed the green Gem seemed to see her again, especially after everything that had happened....Wait a minute, star!? She looked down sharply and realised that the usual diamond shape on her outfit was also gone, replaced by a dark blue star shape instead. For a second Lapis was puzzled, she had reformed so frantically that the change certainly hadn't been intentional, then again she'd heard once that the subconscious mind could affect the physical form all by itself when a Gem reformed, and she was much more strongly aligned with the Crystal Gems than with Homeword by now, but was she really a Crystal Gem? She wasn't so sure she was ready to join that particular club just yet. She shook her head, whatever had happened, it was the least of her worries right now. She turned her attention back to Peridot and gave a small nod and smile to the eager Gem before her. 

"You too, Peridot"

"So, are you ok?" 

Lapis hesitated before answering " I don't know....sort of? How about you?" 

"Same I guess" the smile faded from Peridot's face, and for a second Lapis saw a flicker of pain in its place. She turned away, ashamed. 

_This is my fault_

"Peridot, I'm so sorry". 

"I know.." for a moment Peridot''s voice was quiet and sad, but then she looked back up at Lapis and continued more brightly "Lapis, don't worry about it. No permanent harm was done, it doesn't matter. You're here now." 

Lapis frowned she didn't believe for a second that was really how Peridot felt, not after she'd seen the devastated look on her face as she had left, not after seeing her close to tears and curled up in a bathtub for days after her leaving to the point where she'd had to be physically dragged out, and certainly not when she'd just seen the flash of hurt behind her cheerfulness and joy at seeing her again. They needed to resolve this, now. Lapis whirled to face her, the frustration and hurt clearly visible on her face "Yes! It does matter! And stop that Peridot! Stop saying what you think I want to hear!." Lapis shook her head sadly and relented "Why are you so afraid to be honest with me?"

Peridot had recoiled at the initial outburst. She was desperate not to argue with Lapis not after having only just got her back, but Lapis was right, overprotecting her and pretending everything was fine when it wasn't was how she'd hurt Lapis the last time. She really needed to get out of that habit, and somehow Lapis rebuke had stirred up her own pain . 

"Ok. You're right. It's _not_ ok. Lapis...why did you have to leave? Me, Pumpkin, the home we made on this planet together, doesn't any of it mean anything to you?" she grabbed agitatedly at her hair as she began to pace," I reached out to you and you left me! You took our home and our morps and... AND I'VE BEEN MISERABLE WITHOUT YOU!" She took a breath and stopped pacing as she collected herself, then continued more gently " Honestly, I was scared I'd never see you again...."

Lapis looked back at her dolefully , Peridots words stung, but she deserved them. At least the green Gem was being honest with her now. " I...of course it means something to me! If it didn't I..." Lapis voice shook and she broke off momentarily, putting the turmoil inside her into words wasn't the easiest thing for her, even under the best of circumstances, but she owed it to Peridot to try " Listen Peridot, about the way I left. I....didn't want to, I mean I did but...." she gave a frustrated sigh " I don't even know how to begin to explain it. It's like my fear just takes over sometimes, something reminds me of the mirror, or the war, or being trapped, and I'm there again, reliving it, and at the time it feels like like its still happening now...or is about to happen again and I just get locked into fight or flight mode, or I freeze up. The fear overrides everything and in that moment I can't think or see past it. I know I hurt you. I didn't mean to, and I didn't want to, but it doesn't matter, I did, and I'm sorry."

Peridot rubbed at her arm, seemingly lost in thought. Finally she looked back up at Lapis . "Lapis, I'm sorry too. I was angry at you and I was angry at me. We both made mistakes. You were right, I should have been honest with you about how I was feeling right from the start instead of going along and then hitting you over the head with the truth at the last minute. Stars, I should have been more honest with you in general, instead of not saying things I should have done because I didn't want to upset you..and even though it hurt, I do understand why you left...

"But Peridot, why did you hide how you felt from me? Why couldn't you just tell me?....are you scared of me?"

"What? No! I'm scared of hurting you..." 

Lapis gave a shaky sigh and looked away but Peridot continued to gaze at her worriedly. The blue gem looked so lost and conflicted, and worse she was still clearly on edge and afraid, Peridot could see it in the tenseness of her body, the way she flinched slightly at every explosion, the way she kept looking round nervously, searching for any source of danger. This whole situation was terrifying for Lapis, that she had come back at all was impressive in itself. Peridot wanted nothing more than for Lapis to stay, but maybe Lapis had been right, maybe she needed to leave because this really was too much too soon for her. They stood there awkwardly for a moment, each having so much to say to the other, but having no clue where to begin. It was Peridot who broke the silence

" Look, you leaving hurt, a lot, especially the abrupt way you left, but ...I think you more than made up for it tonight, I'd be shattered into little green gem shards by now if not for you." she paused, noticing how Lapis shuddered at that last remark. " I, I missed you and I'm glad you came back and....thanks again for saving me, but if you really need to go, I understand. Just..just take care of yourself, ok Lapis? And..please come back when this is over? "  


Peridot wasn't sure what response she was expecting, but Lapis staring at her in shock before bursting into laughter wasn't one of them. Lapis doubled over, covering her face with one hand, clutching her stomach with the other, and giggling uncontrollably. Peridot stared at her, concern and confusion in her expression as she seriously worried for the blue gems sanity. Lapis was now laughing so hard her sides shook and her breath came in short, desperate gasps but there was no humour in the sound. For a few moments Peridot stood unsure of what to do as the blue gem before her completely lost control to mirthless, giggling hysterics. Finally Peridot spoke, "Lapis?" her voice was quiet, barely audible above the laughter of her companion but Lapis seemed to hear her as she took a deep, shaky breath and slowly fought to regain her composure. Her expression when she finally turned back to Peridot was strained and apologetic, she wiped her eyes and gave the green gem a small, rueful smile.  


"Peridot...you're right. The thought of staying here with a war going on terrifies me, but I can't leave, not again. How many times have I tried to leave? How many times have I ended up back here......willingly or otherwise? "

"Which was it this time?"Peridot asked quietly , her tone was sad but gentle

"I..I chose to come back I guess"

"What changed your mind?"

Lapis gripped one of her elbows in her opposite hand, looking to the side as she blushed slightly  
"Actually, it was....you"

Peridot looked completely bewildered "Me!?." 

But she hadn't even spoken to Lapis since....

Lapis voice interrupted her thoughts "I had a dream about you getting shattered and I couldn't get it out of my head, then when I finally got here.. ..you almost were" Lapis broke off, taking a shaky breath before continuing "I really am so sorry Peridot...for everything. When I heard what had happened with Steven I was so sure the Diamonds would attack and destroy my new home, but in my fear I just... I destroyed it myself. I ran away, _again_ , I hurt you, took the barn, your morps....I messed everything up."

_"I've done so much because I was afraid"_

Peridot just stared at Lapis for a moment, unsure what to say. Her own words echoed in her head, 

_Everything is just ruined forever! We can't get any of it back! Not my home! Not Lapis! And not this crummy planet, either!_

Except that wasn't true. If she really thought the planet was lost, she wouldn't be here fighting for it now, and she had never dared hope Lapis would return, not with the war currently being waged, but the blue gem had risked her life to come back, despite her fear. She looked at the forlorn blue Gem in front of her. Lapis stood, holding her left arm, her eyes downcast and her expression full of remorse.

"Lapis, it's ok. Well, maybe not ok, we are in a warzone and.... on that note maybe this isn't the best time or place to have this conversation" Peridot tapped her index fingers together thoughtfully as Lapis gave a wry smile and nodded slightly in agreement at her observation "but... it will be ok, and I promise to be more honest with you in future. But please also promise to let me help you and not just run away. You don't have to hide, and you don't have to go through this alone. It's ok to be scared,. just...try to trust me a little bit? Deal?"

Lapis felt her eyes begin to sting " Peridot, I trust you, I just don't want to be a burden to you. I know I'm messed up, I know I get triggered and freak out and panic at inconvenient times. I know I can lash out when I'm scared or angry, just ask Greg, Steven, Connie...Jasper. Sometimes I wonder if I really am a monster. I've done some terrible things" rainclouds now blotted and darkened the skys surface and as she looked up she felt the first few drops of rain splatter down onto her face. "I've caused so much trouble, and I don't know what to do, I'm terrified to stay, but I don't want to leave either, not you, not Steven, Pumpkin, or my home. I, I want to help, I'm just not sure I can.... Lets face it, the Emerald was right, I am a coward."

Peridot frowned, "I don't see a coward. Aside from being trapped again, a war is probably the worst and most frightening thing that could possibly happen to you, stars only know the mere possibility of the Diamonds starting another war alone was enough to make you panic and flee into space! But.... you came back, despite your fear, you chose to come back and you saved me." Peridot quietly walked over and gently placed a hand on Lapis arm " I'm no expert, but I think that's pretty brave" and there it was again, that same soft look of concern and affection Lapis had noticed earlier.

Lapis swallowed thickly and turned her head away as Peridot continued, "and you're not a burden or a monster to me either." Peridot wrapped her arms around Lapis arm, and gently resting her head against her. 

Unshed tears glistened in Lapis eyes as she looked down at the green Gem now hugging her arm " Thanks Peridot, but I really don't feel brave right now. I want to help you win this fight, but I don't know if I can do this...."

Peridot disengaged herself from Lapis arm and looked back up at her "I know, but...that doesn't mean you can't. I know it's scary, but it doesn't have to be like last time. You knowingly entered the battle ground this time, and you're not alone like before either. Lapis, we can fight together. I got your back!" 

Lapis found herself smiling at Peridot even through her tear blurred vision. " I really wish I had your optimism and courage..."

Peridot looked thoughtful a moment "Maybe eventually you will, and if you're struggling with those things right now, then I'll just have to have enough for both of us. " 

Peridot's smile was tentative but warm as she held out a hand to Lapis "We can figure it out together"

_Oh Peridot..._

For a moment Lapis hesitated, unwanted memories and fears flashed through her mind. Her becoming poofed and trapped once more but this time there was no Steven to save her, no one ever found her gem after she was abandoned, or she was left forever hoarded in someone elses gem, and she remained trapped forever as the ceaseless monotony, solitary confinement, and sensory deprivation , slowly chipped away at her spirit and consumed her mind. ......for a second her resolve faltered, then she remembered the image of Peridots gem lying shattered on the ground, and how close it had come to happening.Her choice was made.

Slowly Lapis reached out and took the offered hand. As her hand closed around Peridots the unshed tears finally spilled down her cheeks and she pulled the green Gem into a tight embrace. A second of surprise later and she felt Peridots arms lock around her in return. As the two Gems held and leaned into each other, they failed to notice the soft blue-green glow that began to slowly emanate around them


	8. Interlude

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lapis and Peridot are both thrown but not unhappy with the unexpected turn of events, but there are more urgent matters to attend to, and the fact they are in a war zone finally catches up. Peridot and Lapis cannot afford to be distracted an longer and rejoin the fray, but the mysterious new Gem that intrigued them may return sooner than either of them think.

For a moment they stood, arms wrapped around each other, faces buried in the others shoulder, locked in an embrace of mutual love and comfort, then with a sudden burst of light, everything changed. 

Lapis was the first to process what had happened through her surprise, it wasn't her first experience of fusion after all. For a moment she froze, unsure how to react. Part of her wanted to immediately break the fusion before either of them got hurt, her first experience of fusion had been far from pleasant and was not something she ever wanted to repeat. Except...this felt very different,. 

Now they were fused into one being, she could sense Peridots emotions as clearly as if they were her own, her confusion at their current predicament, her fear, her joy, her sorrow, and something else..something that warmed Lapis, washing over her in waves of calming reassurance and made her want to linger awhile in this unexpected fusion. It was the only thing stronger than her fear, and the whole reason she was stood there right now. The fusions mouth curled into a small smile as the same feeling, along with Lapis' other emotions reflected back to Peridot in return. Still, Lapis wasn't so sure about this. She may trust Peridot, but she wasn't nearly so sure about herself after the last time...

Peridot for a moment was just plain _confused_. Suddenly instead of two she could feel four sets of arms wrapped around her, while the Gem she'd been hugging appeared to have vanished into thin air. Where was Lapis?! She couldn't have left again! She wouldn't! Not after.. No, Lapis was here, she could feel her presence, very intimately in fact, she was here, but where?..... and why the heck did she suddenly feel three feet taller? Slowly she opened her eyes and gasped as she realised she had two pairs of eyes now giving her a much wider, or rather taller field of vision than she was used too. 

_Wait a minute! That's impossible! I don't even know how...did I really just ...?_

Seeking confirmation, she gingerly brought one of her lower arms around to feel between her shoulders and as she suspected, her hand touched a teardrop shaped gem placed there, ...her expression, no, the new fusions expression, turned from confusion to shock as the truth dawned on her. 

Their fusion abruptly broke apart, Lapis stumbled but kept her feet while Peridot lost balance completely and wound up sitting on the ground with an undignified thump. For awhile the two Gems stood blinking at each other in stunned silence.

"Well, that was...unexpected" Lapis said finally, rubbing the back of her head.

"Lapis, I'm sorry! I didn't mean to make you fuse!" Peridot practically blurted out the words, her face full of concern and worry "I didn't even think I could fuse, and I know after Jasp... I mean Malachite, fusion is probably the last..."

"No, its ok!" Lapis tone was firm but gentle as she held up one hand in a motion for Peridot to stop. "First, you didn't make me do anything. If anything it was me that caused it, or at least both of us did. Secondly you _can_ say her name, you know. To be honest I was more surprised than anything."

"So you're really ok? With us fusing I mean?.."

"Yeah...I mean, its not something I'm sure I trust myself with again just yet, not after last time" Lapis looked pensively at the ground as she answered "But,even in the short time we were fused, everything felt different, it was nice. I don't know who we were just then, but being her was _nothing_ like being Malachite."

"I wasn't paying much attention to who we were either" Peridot admitted "I've never fused before, and it completely threw me if I'm honest..."

"I noticed" Lapis gave her a slight playful smile, which was sheepishly returned by Peridot.

"So, umm, you said it was different? Being fused with me, I mean "

Lapis nodded "And you've really never fused before?" 

"I'm a Peridot, when would I ever get to fuse on Homeworld? " Peridot climbed to her feet, dusting the sand from her butt as she straightened " not part of my purpose there, and once I became a Crystal Gem....I tried with Garnet, once, because she was trying to teach me, but then ....I got too uncomfortable and nervous and aborted the attempt." 

Lapis nodded thoughtfully, "so....what did you think? Is fusion so bad?" there was a degree of anxiety in Lapis voice as she spoke, 

"No of course not, in fact..." Peridot hesitated "I, I think it would be nice if we maybe....tried again sometime? On purpose?" 

"I....I'd like to, I'm just not sure if..." 

"Hey it''s ok! no pressure! Ok Lapis?" Peridot quickly reassured her, 

Lapis smiled then sighed, nodding her head towards the nearby fighting "Well, guess we better get the scary part over with?," 

Peridot nodded in agreement and started towards her. 

"THERE'S MORE HERE!! GET THEM!!!" 

The cry made both of them jump and they turned to see a familiar Ruby Squad running through the sand towards them. Lapis stepped forward, at least she was confident handling this much. Summoning a water hand she swiped the surprised Rubies off the island, sending them tumbling into the sea. Immediate threat dealt with, Lapis turned urgently back towards Peridot, beckoning her, and as soon as the green Gem climbed onto her back she took off. 

They had lingered here too long and next time it might be a threat far worse than Rubies that found them. They needed to find the Crystal Gems. Fast.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hopefully this came out ok and sorry for the long gaps between chapters, still struggling with personal stuff right now. Back to the battle ground in the next chapter, so more action less talking, and as for the fusion Gem, she'll be back and focused on more later ;) and although I don't think the components of a fusion can read each others thoughts, I do think cross Gem empathy within fusions is a thing, at least in the healthy ones,


End file.
